I sit in the darkness and realize that I let my 20's just slip away. Of course at the time I was QUEEN of the world. Marrying the Man of my dreams, having a baby, making more money then my parents and trying REAL hard to be a WOMAN. If only someone had said "TAMI this time is your time so take your time hun"... I would have slowed way down. Playing, joking, hoping, dreaming and wanting all fell to the wayside. It all just was WAY to child like and I wanted to act like a WOMAN. It hurt when the world started to rip apart... My marriage, my career, and my money slipped away. I had to be someone's child to ask for and get help. I hated every moment of having to depend on anyone to help me in whatever it was I was going through.
this world is justly unjust
it gives way to hope
just enough to enable the idea
that lifts you above the moment
yet sets you down in the deepest darkest
vessel of yourself
this world is perfectly imperfect
handing you the tools to win
offering a glimpse of all that maybe
sending your heart aflutter
leaving out the manual
causing you to lose all of you
this world is righteously unrighteous
filling your soul with light embedded in faith
shining all your greatness on the world
profiling every inch of your innocent being
as it travels faster then sound your reflection
never reaches back yet pulls you along
This world is......
Ten years of trying extremely hard, creating new ways of being while being so lost. I have one complete hope for my daughter!!! THAT SHE ALLOWS HER 20's to just flow...LET IT BE BABY!
Here at 33 I see clearly I lost my dreams. I thought that having dreams was very young of me. What I know for sure in this moment.... DREAMS make life worth living. My dreams launch me forward, create new worlds and help me remain grounded in being me. I see that I lost my way as a woman. I thought being a WOMAN meant being cold and demanding respect. What I know for sure in this moment .......A WOMAN is comfortable in her skin wherever that skin may take her, commanding her own acts so demanding anything is not necessary. I see that I embraced everyone else's wants and didn't allow myself to want. I thought wanting things was useless. What I know for sure in this moment.... Wanting creates goals and working towards a thing makes attaining that thing much more likely. I see that I fought foolishness. I thought playing, joking and being childish was below me. What I know for sure in this moment.... Being childlike assists in me being youthful both in looks and in health.
Perspective is everything.... how you choose to see a thing will affect how you react or act towards a thing. I am so happy to have the ability to grow from my twenty's. Looking back its not the things I did that I regret but rather the things I didn't do. DO! thats what it comes down to.....DO!